You know those Girls Scouts. Those poor little girls get sucked into a system with a hidden agenda. Get people hooked on cookies. They put these innocent looking girls on street corners wearing nothing but their sashes (with badges of course....show what your good at) to sell cookies laced with drugs. Men come alone and are like, "Well, hmmm, I gotta support the local economy, my wife will like some cookies." So he buys a few boxes unknowingly providing her with a drug that she will then crave beyond control.
Yes, this happened to me. I came home the other day to see the blue box of Trefoils in my pantry. Although in my case seeing as how I am single and living at home (as we have already assessed previously, I am a loser) my mom must have bought them. I closed the pantry door and walked away. Whew, so proud of me! That lasted all of 5 minutes. I went back, was like, I'll have just one. So 7 cookies later I went to bed. I got up the next morning, had 5 for breakfast, and went to work.
You might be thinking at this point that my mistake has already been made.
You would be wrong.
I got home from work and yelled at my mom. Told her that Trefoils must have crack in them because I have eaten half the box in less than 24 hours and I can't stop!!! I was going running (yes, I am still attempting to train for the half-marathon....although at my current cookie eating rate it is not looking good), and I wanted her to get rid of the box while I was gone. Get it out of the house, do something with it, anything, I didn't care, just rid me of my temptation. (Take note, this is where my mistake was made)
So I ran. I came home. I had some dinner. I was watching TV. I needed a snack. I went to the pantry.
WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY COOKIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MOM, WHERE ARE THE COOKIES (there is no swwearing at Pammy's)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????????
Mom: I got rid of them. You told me to.
Me: And you took me seriously???? Are you nuts? I need them! Where did you put them? Are they downstairs? In your car? In the gargage? TELL ME!!!
Mom: Jenna, they aren't here. I got rid of them.
Tears, lots of irrational tears. There might have been some convulsing, I'm not sure.
The next day I can think of nothing but cracked out Chris Kattan dressed as a Girl Scout saying "Ya guuuuys want some coookiiiies???" It basically is killing me.
I get to my girls night with my friends, we are sitting chatting when one girl walks in and says that she brought desert for us. OMG, SHE BROUGHT TREFOILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't want to outright look like a total junkie so I think I contained myself well. Only a little twitching.....and 7 cookies.
My friends may think I am crazy, but I got my fix. Those damn pushers....I mean girlscouts.
No comments:
Post a Comment