I have spent the last 5 years not aging, but growing up quite a bit.
When it came time for me to turn 26, I refused. Let me explain…….
25 was hard for me. Very hard. I separated from my then husband, temporarily moved home with my parents, started a new career, then moved out and lived completely on my own and single for the first time in my life. I was terrified. When December rolled around and it was my Birthday, I should have been excited to get the year behind me and turn 26. Instead I was scared, upset and “didn’t want to do it.” You see, I had all these goals in my head of where I wanted to be at 26…..successful, happily married, at least one kid……I was no where near that dream. So, my friends and I decided that I wasn’t turning 26. We celebrated 25 the rerun. To add to that, I have been celebrating 25 ever since. I have never moved on. It never felt right to.
The last 5 years have changed me a lot. I have been learning, crying, laughing, suffering, growing, hurting, smiling…..but not ready to move on. I have been stuck at 25, not feeling like I deserved to get older because what have I done to prove that I have changed enough to become another year wiser? Have I proved that I can handle another year of life behind me? Have I wasted it?
At the end of this year I am supposed to turn 30. Am I scared? Yes. Am I ready? No. Am I going to do it? Yes. I have decided to embrace the fact that my future is completely unknown and I am terrified. I am going to take 30 (pardon my language) “by the balls” and kick its ass. I will start my 30’s by moving back out on my own and being single. I’m lonely and scared, but I am making the best of it and moving on.
I am not 25 (or Forever 21 even though I insist on still trying to shop there), I am going to be 30……30, flirty, and thriving. Who’s your Daddy!?!?
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