I just got a text from my sister that explained my niece's devious plan to trick the tooth fairy, capture her, keep her in a jar, and only let her come out for dinner. Now, all this isn't to be mean, she just really wants a fairy. She is really excited about her plan.
Oh, to be 6 again...
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Humph =-/
Somewhere in my constant need to see the best in people I have allowed the worst in people to walk all over me. I reafuse to believe that there isn't more than what meets the eye, I see deeper, I always think there is something there and I am going to be the one to bring it out in someone. The truth is, people can't take their walls down no matter how high I climb. My desire to always please others has left me heartbroken and wounded in so many ways. Lost in a world not knowing where to turn next; every direction looking scarier than the option before it. While my intimate relationships have hurt me the most, I am not only referring to being lost in love. Life is scary and not having someone to share that with makes it even scarier. I have always thought I was tough. My family tells me I am that girl....you know the one, the kind who lights up the space she is in and makes everyone around her glow. I feel the light going out sometimes because it has been so bashed and broken it finds it hard to shine. Don't get me wrong, I will keep fighting, but I need to find a way to fight for me and let go of putting myself last in the line to please. I'm not sure how to do this, but you gotta start somewhere....
Monday, July 26, 2010
Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy....or Jenna
One day you will wake up and not know how you got to where you are. Use those few moments in time to figure out where it is you want to be going and who you want to be with you when you get there.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Casualties of Dating
Yes, in every breakup we all lose a little bit: some self respect, maybe a little dignity, a lot of tears, and definitely a piece of our heart. In time this all come back, which is why that’s not what I am talking about in this little “rant” if you will.
I’m talking about the other casualties of dating, the material things you lose. The things you have left behind at the others house that you assume you are going to get back because you plan on there being a next visit. I’m talking about my shit. I want my shit back.
Now, I am generally not one to speak badly of people. I am divorced, and really with the exception of a couple times, you will never hear me say anything bad about my ex husband. I believe everyone is good but that not everyone is meant to be together. Could I say things about those I have been with…..absolutly!!!!! But, what is the point? Why go bashing someone who is no longer in your life? The things I do want back in my life however…..MY STUFF! Hahaha
It is a little known fact about me that I leave things places. My parents have called it “Jenna Junk” since I was a little kid (ok, I’m still little, hahaha, get your jokes about my height out now). Anywho, I forget things, I leave a trail, I put something down (take something off) and it stays there. Maybe subconsciously I like people to think of me when I’m not around so I leave a piece of me behind, I don’t know. Whatever the reason, when you’re dating this isn’t an issue. You assume you will be back to get your stuff.
There are 2 types of guys. I have in the recent past dealt with both.
Scenario One: Item left, shoes. Breakup happens, a week later I get a box with my shoes and a CD of PhotoShop (I had once mentioned how badly I wanted the program but couldn’t afford to buy it and didn’t know how to get it). The note just said “I hope you still wanted this.” This is the good guy ladies incase you didn’t know.
Scenario Two: Item left, hmmmm we will say earings. Didn’t even know a pseudo-breakup was happening as that week I had been told to come over, called baby, and blah blah blah. Who cares about the specifics? Anyway, he just stops talking to me. Out of no where! So, I politely say “Whatever, I’m done.” Nothing. I say “Can I stop by sometime to grab my…err….earings?” Nothing. Awesome. Why is this the guy that I would still chase after? Ahhhh, the heart always wants what it can’t have….including my earings!!! I want my shit back!
So, along with now learning to protect my heart, I need to remember to buy cheaper earings….or just pick up my stuff every time I leave. Dating is rough, so much to remember!
I’m talking about the other casualties of dating, the material things you lose. The things you have left behind at the others house that you assume you are going to get back because you plan on there being a next visit. I’m talking about my shit. I want my shit back.
Now, I am generally not one to speak badly of people. I am divorced, and really with the exception of a couple times, you will never hear me say anything bad about my ex husband. I believe everyone is good but that not everyone is meant to be together. Could I say things about those I have been with…..absolutly!!!!! But, what is the point? Why go bashing someone who is no longer in your life? The things I do want back in my life however…..MY STUFF! Hahaha
It is a little known fact about me that I leave things places. My parents have called it “Jenna Junk” since I was a little kid (ok, I’m still little, hahaha, get your jokes about my height out now). Anywho, I forget things, I leave a trail, I put something down (take something off) and it stays there. Maybe subconsciously I like people to think of me when I’m not around so I leave a piece of me behind, I don’t know. Whatever the reason, when you’re dating this isn’t an issue. You assume you will be back to get your stuff.
There are 2 types of guys. I have in the recent past dealt with both.
Scenario One: Item left, shoes. Breakup happens, a week later I get a box with my shoes and a CD of PhotoShop (I had once mentioned how badly I wanted the program but couldn’t afford to buy it and didn’t know how to get it). The note just said “I hope you still wanted this.” This is the good guy ladies incase you didn’t know.
Scenario Two: Item left, hmmmm we will say earings. Didn’t even know a pseudo-breakup was happening as that week I had been told to come over, called baby, and blah blah blah. Who cares about the specifics? Anyway, he just stops talking to me. Out of no where! So, I politely say “Whatever, I’m done.” Nothing. I say “Can I stop by sometime to grab my…err….earings?” Nothing. Awesome. Why is this the guy that I would still chase after? Ahhhh, the heart always wants what it can’t have….including my earings!!! I want my shit back!
So, along with now learning to protect my heart, I need to remember to buy cheaper earings….or just pick up my stuff every time I leave. Dating is rough, so much to remember!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
On my last Birthday I turned 25, this year I will be 30
I have spent the last 5 years not aging, but growing up quite a bit.
When it came time for me to turn 26, I refused. Let me explain…….
25 was hard for me. Very hard. I separated from my then husband, temporarily moved home with my parents, started a new career, then moved out and lived completely on my own and single for the first time in my life. I was terrified. When December rolled around and it was my Birthday, I should have been excited to get the year behind me and turn 26. Instead I was scared, upset and “didn’t want to do it.” You see, I had all these goals in my head of where I wanted to be at 26…..successful, happily married, at least one kid……I was no where near that dream. So, my friends and I decided that I wasn’t turning 26. We celebrated 25 the rerun. To add to that, I have been celebrating 25 ever since. I have never moved on. It never felt right to.
The last 5 years have changed me a lot. I have been learning, crying, laughing, suffering, growing, hurting, smiling…..but not ready to move on. I have been stuck at 25, not feeling like I deserved to get older because what have I done to prove that I have changed enough to become another year wiser? Have I proved that I can handle another year of life behind me? Have I wasted it?
At the end of this year I am supposed to turn 30. Am I scared? Yes. Am I ready? No. Am I going to do it? Yes. I have decided to embrace the fact that my future is completely unknown and I am terrified. I am going to take 30 (pardon my language) “by the balls” and kick its ass. I will start my 30’s by moving back out on my own and being single. I’m lonely and scared, but I am making the best of it and moving on.
I am not 25 (or Forever 21 even though I insist on still trying to shop there), I am going to be 30……30, flirty, and thriving. Who’s your Daddy!?!?
When it came time for me to turn 26, I refused. Let me explain…….
25 was hard for me. Very hard. I separated from my then husband, temporarily moved home with my parents, started a new career, then moved out and lived completely on my own and single for the first time in my life. I was terrified. When December rolled around and it was my Birthday, I should have been excited to get the year behind me and turn 26. Instead I was scared, upset and “didn’t want to do it.” You see, I had all these goals in my head of where I wanted to be at 26…..successful, happily married, at least one kid……I was no where near that dream. So, my friends and I decided that I wasn’t turning 26. We celebrated 25 the rerun. To add to that, I have been celebrating 25 ever since. I have never moved on. It never felt right to.
The last 5 years have changed me a lot. I have been learning, crying, laughing, suffering, growing, hurting, smiling…..but not ready to move on. I have been stuck at 25, not feeling like I deserved to get older because what have I done to prove that I have changed enough to become another year wiser? Have I proved that I can handle another year of life behind me? Have I wasted it?
At the end of this year I am supposed to turn 30. Am I scared? Yes. Am I ready? No. Am I going to do it? Yes. I have decided to embrace the fact that my future is completely unknown and I am terrified. I am going to take 30 (pardon my language) “by the balls” and kick its ass. I will start my 30’s by moving back out on my own and being single. I’m lonely and scared, but I am making the best of it and moving on.
I am not 25 (or Forever 21 even though I insist on still trying to shop there), I am going to be 30……30, flirty, and thriving. Who’s your Daddy!?!?
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Dramamine vs Raptor
I now know why they call them amusement parks. As a kid, I don't think you quite get all there is to these places. You think it is all about the rides, the games, the water slides.
You are wrong.
As an adult you learn it is about the people watching, the naseaua, the exhaustion, and did I mention the people watching???
OMG people. Its like my group of friends is the only classy people that have ever decided to enter Cedar Point! I mean for real! And yes, I am putting myself in the "classy" category. But it is sad. I don't understand how these people leave the house. First it makes you think, "Wow, I am way better then all the people here! What an ego boost!" Then you start looking around and you think "Wait, EVERYONE here is trashy, I mean EVERYONE. How can I be the only non WT here. That seems weird. Maybe I came on trailor park day and didn't know it. Ya, that must be it. Where are Britney Spears and her kids, they gotta be here somewhere, that will confirm it. Damn, no where to be found. Hmmmmm, ok, wait, now my ego is dropping a little. Am I trashy???? No, that can't be it. What is happening to the world? I am questioning my classiness!!!" And your inner-monologue just keeps going like this for a while. It's rough!
Let's review what I have seen: 300+ lb. women in bikinis; 300+lb. women with no pants over their bikinis dropping stuff in line and bending over....a lot; 15 year olds who think Miley Cyrus is not a whore so they dress like her; 11 year old who do the same; 70 year old women who remind me of the old lady in There's Something About Mary....you know the one, she drinks, and smokes, and lays out in the sun with the aluminum foil; skinny girls who still buy their shorts a size too small and have the stupid roll over that makes us normal size girls want to smack them. And that's just the girls.
It's bad. Amusement Park....yes, I was amused, and disgusted. The 99 degree heat and sweat and stank (yes, it was so bad it was stAnk) didn't help.
Ahhhh, onto the nasuea. I must be getting old because I used to start my day by running to the first line to get a good opening spot. This time I started by making sure I had taken my first dose of dramamine for the day and that I had enough to "reboost" at lunch time. Pathetic. I remember rides like the Raptor being smooth and easy. This time around it kicked my ass. Where before I dreaded waiting in line, I now needed that as my recovery time. Who knew 29 was the age where I began to go downhill.
All that being said, who wants to go to Cedar Point this weekend? I will bring the dramamine if you bring your ability to laugh with me at everyone else there. I mean, after all, we will be the only classy people there =)
You are wrong.
As an adult you learn it is about the people watching, the naseaua, the exhaustion, and did I mention the people watching???
OMG people. Its like my group of friends is the only classy people that have ever decided to enter Cedar Point! I mean for real! And yes, I am putting myself in the "classy" category. But it is sad. I don't understand how these people leave the house. First it makes you think, "Wow, I am way better then all the people here! What an ego boost!" Then you start looking around and you think "Wait, EVERYONE here is trashy, I mean EVERYONE. How can I be the only non WT here. That seems weird. Maybe I came on trailor park day and didn't know it. Ya, that must be it. Where are Britney Spears and her kids, they gotta be here somewhere, that will confirm it. Damn, no where to be found. Hmmmmm, ok, wait, now my ego is dropping a little. Am I trashy???? No, that can't be it. What is happening to the world? I am questioning my classiness!!!" And your inner-monologue just keeps going like this for a while. It's rough!
Let's review what I have seen: 300+ lb. women in bikinis; 300+lb. women with no pants over their bikinis dropping stuff in line and bending over....a lot; 15 year olds who think Miley Cyrus is not a whore so they dress like her; 11 year old who do the same; 70 year old women who remind me of the old lady in There's Something About Mary....you know the one, she drinks, and smokes, and lays out in the sun with the aluminum foil; skinny girls who still buy their shorts a size too small and have the stupid roll over that makes us normal size girls want to smack them. And that's just the girls.
It's bad. Amusement Park....yes, I was amused, and disgusted. The 99 degree heat and sweat and stank (yes, it was so bad it was stAnk) didn't help.
Ahhhh, onto the nasuea. I must be getting old because I used to start my day by running to the first line to get a good opening spot. This time I started by making sure I had taken my first dose of dramamine for the day and that I had enough to "reboost" at lunch time. Pathetic. I remember rides like the Raptor being smooth and easy. This time around it kicked my ass. Where before I dreaded waiting in line, I now needed that as my recovery time. Who knew 29 was the age where I began to go downhill.
All that being said, who wants to go to Cedar Point this weekend? I will bring the dramamine if you bring your ability to laugh with me at everyone else there. I mean, after all, we will be the only classy people there =)
My life as told by Kate Voegle
So this story goes on down
The less traveled road
It's a variation on
The one I was told
And although it's not the same
It's awful close, yeah
In an ordinary fairy tale land
There's a promise of a perfect happy end
And I imagine having just short of that
Is better than nothing
So please be my
Forever and almost always
And I'll be fine
Just love me when you can, yeah
And I'll wait patiently
I'll wake up everyday
Just hoping that you still care
In the corner of my mind I know too well
Oh, that surely even I deserve the best
But instead of leaving
I just put the issue to bed
And outta my head
Oh, and just when I believe
You've changed for good
Well, you go and prove me wrong
Just like I knew you would
When I run out of second chances
You give me that look
And you're off the hook
Because you're my
Forever and almost always
Oh, and I'm fine
Just love me when you can
And I'll wait patiently
I'll wake up everyday
Just hoping that you'll still care
The less traveled road
It's a variation on
The one I was told
And although it's not the same
It's awful close, yeah
In an ordinary fairy tale land
There's a promise of a perfect happy end
And I imagine having just short of that
Is better than nothing
So please be my
Forever and almost always
And I'll be fine
Just love me when you can, yeah
And I'll wait patiently
I'll wake up everyday
Just hoping that you still care
In the corner of my mind I know too well
Oh, that surely even I deserve the best
But instead of leaving
I just put the issue to bed
And outta my head
Oh, and just when I believe
You've changed for good
Well, you go and prove me wrong
Just like I knew you would
When I run out of second chances
You give me that look
And you're off the hook
Because you're my
Forever and almost always
Oh, and I'm fine
Just love me when you can
And I'll wait patiently
I'll wake up everyday
Just hoping that you'll still care
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Toy Story
Like a rag doll I lay
Waiting to be picked up
Knowing you will hold me
If I only play your game
Sometimes I come to life
Trying to search for my voice
Wanting to say so much
Finding it turns out the same
I want to find a way
To tell you please stay
Please don't shut me out
Please don't let me down
In my little toy story
I get lost in the game
Letting you run around
Letting you put me down
Why is it so hard
Where did I go wrong
Who have I become
When are we going to play
What do you have to say
I need to find a way
To tell you please stay
Please don't shut me out
Please don't let me down
In my little toy story
I get lost in the game
Letting you run around
Letting you put me down
Please don't put me down
Waiting to be picked up
Knowing you will hold me
If I only play your game
Sometimes I come to life
Trying to search for my voice
Wanting to say so much
Finding it turns out the same
I want to find a way
To tell you please stay
Please don't shut me out
Please don't let me down
In my little toy story
I get lost in the game
Letting you run around
Letting you put me down
Why is it so hard
Where did I go wrong
Who have I become
When are we going to play
What do you have to say
I need to find a way
To tell you please stay
Please don't shut me out
Please don't let me down
In my little toy story
I get lost in the game
Letting you run around
Letting you put me down
Please don't put me down
Friday, July 2, 2010
Geek Chic
I went to the eye doctor for the first time in 6 years yesterday. I've been a bad patient. Naughty Jenna. (Insert spank here) Anywho, I went, finally.
So, I sit in the chair and look through the first machine and see a pretty picture with a barn as the Dr. explains that he is checking my eye for my far sightedness and my ummmmm astigmatism? "Do you know what that is?" he asks. He says your eye is not round, its kind of bumpy. Great, I have a bumpy eye. I immediatly think of my stomach from last week when it was burned and then I got all sweaty and got water bumps (dont pretend this has never happened to you) and it was all gross and bumpy. Awesome, that is what my eye looks like. Great. And I have been told my eyes are my best feature, so what does that say about the rest of me? Wow, I must be a looker if my bumpy eyes are the best thing I have to offer. Its no wonder I am still single.
So, now all depressed we move on. He asks about my eye drop usage. Like a crack addict I say I use daily. I wake up with itchy eyes people. Well, as it turns out, the drops I use over time will cause the symptoms they are curing and I will have red eyes.
OMG, PERMANENT RED BUMPY EYES!!!!!!! SEXY Y'ALL! Can we say I am a hott piece of a$$!!!
Alright, so I need glasses, shocker. I mean, do I need to wear them all the time to see, no. Should I to be clearer and not strain and get headaches? Yes. So, trying to make myself feel better I am going to get a nice designer pair. Its me, if I have to wear glasses, they are going to say Armani, or Gucci, or Juicy on the side people, lets be honest. So I start looking and I am stressed. Totally overwhelmed. I can't make a decision on where to eat lunch on my own let alone how to spend a couple hundred dollars?!?!?!?!? I call in reinforcements. Friends always help.
I have 2 choices. A classic Juicy metal frame, a little more daily wear. Or a plastic Gucci "Geek Chic" large trendy frame. I hate choices. I am always afraid I am making the wrong one. Always. I let my friend pick. I am happy.
I get home and my family hates the decision. Hates it.
I call, I cancel the order. I ask to hold until I can come back in.
I am starting over and looking more.
I'm never going to decide.
I live my life in limbo because I can't make decisions.
Damn glasses.
And now I am stuck with bumpy eyes, blurred vision, headaches, frustration, no awesome glasses to make me a hott sexy librarian to dress up as. Ya, I was gonna role play. Not sure with whom, but I was gonna make it work for me.
Not sure I can find a way to make the red bumy eyes as sexy.
Damn.
So, I sit in the chair and look through the first machine and see a pretty picture with a barn as the Dr. explains that he is checking my eye for my far sightedness and my ummmmm astigmatism? "Do you know what that is?" he asks. He says your eye is not round, its kind of bumpy. Great, I have a bumpy eye. I immediatly think of my stomach from last week when it was burned and then I got all sweaty and got water bumps (dont pretend this has never happened to you) and it was all gross and bumpy. Awesome, that is what my eye looks like. Great. And I have been told my eyes are my best feature, so what does that say about the rest of me? Wow, I must be a looker if my bumpy eyes are the best thing I have to offer. Its no wonder I am still single.
So, now all depressed we move on. He asks about my eye drop usage. Like a crack addict I say I use daily. I wake up with itchy eyes people. Well, as it turns out, the drops I use over time will cause the symptoms they are curing and I will have red eyes.
OMG, PERMANENT RED BUMPY EYES!!!!!!! SEXY Y'ALL! Can we say I am a hott piece of a$$!!!
Alright, so I need glasses, shocker. I mean, do I need to wear them all the time to see, no. Should I to be clearer and not strain and get headaches? Yes. So, trying to make myself feel better I am going to get a nice designer pair. Its me, if I have to wear glasses, they are going to say Armani, or Gucci, or Juicy on the side people, lets be honest. So I start looking and I am stressed. Totally overwhelmed. I can't make a decision on where to eat lunch on my own let alone how to spend a couple hundred dollars?!?!?!?!? I call in reinforcements. Friends always help.
I have 2 choices. A classic Juicy metal frame, a little more daily wear. Or a plastic Gucci "Geek Chic" large trendy frame. I hate choices. I am always afraid I am making the wrong one. Always. I let my friend pick. I am happy.
I get home and my family hates the decision. Hates it.
I call, I cancel the order. I ask to hold until I can come back in.
I am starting over and looking more.
I'm never going to decide.
I live my life in limbo because I can't make decisions.
Damn glasses.
And now I am stuck with bumpy eyes, blurred vision, headaches, frustration, no awesome glasses to make me a hott sexy librarian to dress up as. Ya, I was gonna role play. Not sure with whom, but I was gonna make it work for me.
Not sure I can find a way to make the red bumy eyes as sexy.
Damn.
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