What a day, what a day, what a silly little day........

5 years ago this week I was preparing for what was to be the biggest day of my life. December 11th was my wedding day.

Last year at this time I was preparing for what was to be the saddest and hardest day of my life. December 11th was my divorce day.

Off the bat, those two days are dramatically different. For one I was with so many of my family and friends rushing around trying to get everything together so the first day of the rest of my life would go perfectly. For the other I spent it with far fewer people, but still preparing for a new “first day” of the rest of my life. The emotions felt on the 2 days were so vastly different, yet they are forever linked in a way that I cannot even begin to comprehend still at this point. December will always be about new beginnings for me.

I try so hard to see how far I have come in the last year of my life, but I cannot look back without feeling the pain of the date. You see, I picked December to get married because it has always been my favorite time of year. Christmas, the birth of Christ, my own birthday, the birth of a new year on the horizon….so many exciting times are in the month of December. I always felt it was the perfect time for a wedding….the birth of a new relationship. Now, I enter the month of December and I cannot help but feel a sense of loss. How ironic that I was assigned a court date for my divorce of December 11th---that my marriage certificate and following divorce decree have the same date on the top. My family told me this was a good thing, a fresh start. That doesn’t help the pain.

So, here I am a year later, at the beginning of a month that has always meant so much to me. It is no doubt going to be difficult. It is 1 year that I have been divorced. I will be entering my last year of my 20’s single and living at home. It will be my first Christmas morning waking up without my Grandma sitting there smiling at me with her cup of coffee in hand.

I have come a long way, and I am saying my prayers that I stay positive and I have faith that I will because I have good support and love around me. I am also taking a couple moments this Holiday season to appreciate the fact that it is ok to cry. I don’t often do that, trying so hard to be the tough one. This year I am not going to wallow by any means, that doesn’t do anyone any good, but I am going to let myself grieve for the things that I have lost. I am going to be thankful for the things I have to look forward to as well…..God has a lot in store for me, I just know =)