Hearing Test Day

Today we had to take a hearing test at work. There is this little van like vehicle parked outside the plant that we have to walk into and sit in a "sound proof room." I put that in quotes because if you were actually in the room you would know that you can hear the semi's passing by and the low hum of a machine running somewhere, probably keeping the van warm seeing as how it is only October but already almost snowing in lovely Ohio. No, I am not bitter at all, nor do I harbor any hatred toward Mother Nature for taking my Fall away and throwing me right into an early Winter. Sarcasm, my dear friend, I love you. But, as usual, I am getting sidetracked.

So, I am kind of a control freak. Slightly OCD some might say. I mean, I don't know what the problem is with wanting things done a certain way and having things in order all the time and making sure that you have an even number of things and that you check 5 times that you lock the car door when you get out and that the utensils are always perpendicular to the table and that people DONT TOUCH MY STUFF......whew, ok, whatever, that is all normal! But, as I watch my father on a morning like this, I know where I get it from. Ok, I have know all along, but I get reminded. He has spent the entire morning walking around with the schedule making sure that eveyone stays ontime for their test. Mind you, the schedule has been printed out and posted for over a week and we are all adults fully capable of reading a clock. But, around walks my dad, putting people in "the box" (which is in the van) and then "in que" (which is in the waiting area getting prepped so there is no lag time between). I mean, I would totally be doing the same thing, but this morning, it just makes me laugh at his anal retentiveness. He even is bumping people if he can't find them fast enough to put them "in que." God, I love that man.

I get in the box for my hearing test and the woman asks politely, "Name please?" When I respond Jenna Waltz, we get into a short discussion about name changes (because last year when I took the test I was Jenna Gibson---sounds very porn star like, I know, I've been told). She tells me a story about how she followed protocol a few weeks ago, and when a woman came in who was not on the list she asked if she changed her name from last year or if she was new. This womans response was not, "Yes, I got divorced, my name is different," as mine was. This woman responded, "Yes, last year I was Chuck." Wow, ok, not quite what you are expecting, lol. So right after this, the woman puts the things over my ears, gives me the button, and closes me into the little room. Now, I am supposed to hit the button once every time I hear a buzz, left ear first. Well, my head is racing with thoughts of the woman who used to be a man so I totally forget what I am supposed to be concentrating on the buzzing in my ears not the voices in my head. So after what feel like 3 minutes of silence I realize that I haven't pressed the button at all. OH NO, THEY ARE GOING TO THINK I AM DEAF!!!!! Really, I am just crazy and listening to the voices in my head! So, in a feverish attempt to "catch up" to the buzzing, I start pressing the little button like I am in the hospital and attached to a morphine drip that I just can't get enough of. Both are pointless because well, the morphine drip is set to only dose every like 10 minutes no matter how many damn times you push that little button and the stupid hearing test I have already probably failed because I was drifting off into Jenna land and forgot I was supposed to be concentrating. By the time we were testing my right ear I was thinking so hard about the buzzing that I was forgetting to breathe. When the door opened and I was done, I thought I was going to pass out from a lack of oxygen. Needless to say, when I get the results in a few weeks, my dad will pull me into his office and ask why I don't hear the buzzing that was there yet I hear buzzing that didn't exist. Do you think he will understand my explanation about Jenna land being a happy place to drift off to in the middle of the work day? No, probably not. How about the voices in my head? Again, maybe not. Hmmm, I have a couple weeks to come up with a good excuse.

The moral on this one folks: Stay in school. HAHAHA, I don't know, nothing to do with the story, but, well, it's always a good message =)