"Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep. It's time to trust my insticts, close my eyes and leap.....I'm through accepting limits because someone says they're so. Somethings I cannot change, but until I try I'll never know.....It's time to try defying gravity. I think I'll try defying gravity, and you can't pull me down."

Friday, November 19, 2010

I know what I said, but....

So, a few months ago I posted this

On My Last Birthday I Turned 25, This Year I'm Turning 30
It basically says I am turning 30 and I'm ok with it.

Well folks, its less than a month away now, and let me tell you......I'm scared. I know its pathetic, but honestly, all I can think about is that after the family dinner (and maybe a drink--or 15--with friends I am going to go home to an empty house, crawl into an empty bed, and lay there. All alone. Do I have someone who at this point might be there....that is a very flimsy maybe to say the most, but even if that pulls through....I'm alone. Over the course of a month, 93% of my nights are spent in my bed, by myself, wishing someone was there next to me/wrapped up in me. They are now mostly spent with Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson playing over and over in my head thanks to the CMA's (I don't wanna just make love I wanna make love last, dont you wanna stay here a little while, don't you wanna hold eachother tight, don't you wanna fall asleep with me tonight). Stupid country music. I can't stop from turning 30, that part I know. I just keep praying that it doesn't hit me as hard as I am afraid it's going to.
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1 comment:

  1. Mrs. WiggyNovember 20, 2010 at 5:13 AM

    I have faith that you're going to come out stronger on the other side. Keep your chin up!

    ReplyDelete

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