I love Marc Broussard

Cast my eyes towards the sky
Looking down on me
So far all I've seen are clouds
But I'm not gonna let 'em get me down

No way
No how
Not ever
Not now

There's gotta be more here
Than what I see

Walking down the road again
One step at a time
So far all I've seen are stop signs
But I'm not gonna let 'em get me this time

My life
Keep my head high

There's gotta be more here
Than what I see

Are those the clouds of my mind that hide the stars
Will I ever find the road that leads me home again
Does it seem so far
From looking way too hard
Now I know my heart is where my searching all begins

High low is where I stand
Looking for the man in charge

I belive there's more to see
Cause the dirt has been wiped away from my eyes and
I know what I'm supposed to be
There's got to be more
There's got to be more

Learning to float

I have been swimming once before. I almost drowned. For years the water filled up my lungs and I was barely breathing. Each breath got harder and harder to take and each step felt heavier because I was beginning to fill up with water. I didn't feel as if there was a way out. Those around me saw me sinking, but no one could pull me out because I was letting it happen. I wanted to be in the pool of love so badly that even though I knew I would drown before I got in I dove anyway. Head first. I got knocked out when I hit the bottom and I never came back up.

Four years later I was pulled out, and I vowed never to swim again. This is a weird thing. You give your life to someone, infront of God and family, you vow to remain with them forever, and here I was promising myself I was never going to do that to myself again.

I have spent two years pushing away every man who has tried to get close to me. Maybe they weren't right, maybe it was me, whatever the reason, I haven't attempted to get close to the water. It terrifies me. I think about it and I shut off.

Today, I find myself in a new place for the first time. I think this place scares me even more. I find myself wanting to swim. I don't know what to do with this new realization that I am willing to try to get wet again. I find myself being willing to want to be with someone, wanting to have someone in my arms at night, and there when I wake up in the morning. That scares me, because I have not been willing to want. When you want, you get hurt. I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to be let down, I don't want the weight of drowning to pull me under. For the first time in a long time I have hope that there may be someone out there. Michael Buble says, "I just haven't met you yet" I am willing to believe that it hasn't gone right for me because I haven't found the right one yet, but that when I do they will help me walk into the water carefully and to help me learn how to float......

Sleep Deprived

Have you ever been so past the point of tired that everything makes you want to cry? Like you become completely irrational and emotional and you just want to cry. Just a little bit. Maybe for no reason, maybe they put 4 cucumbers on your sandwich at Subway and you don't like the number 4 and it has upset you. Maybe you think you messed up something. Whatever it is, your tired and sleepy and need a nap or something because really, you're eyes are either going to close in 5 minutes or start to leak....like a fountain.

Ahhh, I'm alone for a week while my roomies are in Jamaica

And by roomies I of course mean my parents =)

So, as they are preparing to leave for a week in Jamaica for my cousins wedding (ya, I couldn't afford to go, don't get me started, I sssooooooo want to be there, I mean caugh of the dough mom and dad and take me and sister with you! haha) we are going over the "What not to do while we are gone list" and also the "Please remember to do this list" Mind you, I am almost 30 years old, I have lived on my own since I was 18 until this little stay at home and get a savings thing started a few months ago, so I am perfectly capable of running a household (did someone say PARTY AT MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Anyway, the lists, feed the cat, get the mail, take out the garbage on Friday, blah blah blah.

Side note (that becomes very important). My room is hott. Like it totally deserves the extra T in the word because it gets Texas Whore House steamy in there. I don't know why, but it sucks. So for a while now I have needed a fan, but my daddy is....how shall we say.....less than handy? So, his brother was in town this weekend and yes, big brother put a ceiling fan in my room. And bad ass that he is, I got a remote and a dimmer switch so I can control it from my bed and make the lights any level I want and it is all fancy and nice and they can go real low and pretty and.... Ok, so here is the conversation

Daddy: So, Jenna, you know how the fan works, you got it all down?

Me: Yes dad, I am capable, thanks.

Daddy: And you got the rules for while we are gone?

Me: Again, yes, got it, Check!

Daddy: No boys in the house either, promise?

Me: Then why the Hell did you just install mood lighting in my bedroom before you leave me alone for the week!?!?!?!

Daddy:.........

Mom (from the other room): Jenna, ........, I.......

Me: haha, just saying

Daddy: What did I raise?

Me: You want me to answer that?

Daddy: Better not, just behave.

Me: *Big smile*


---Conversations that are funny when had with your parents. I love freaking them out, they are easy targets =)