The Power of 3

Ahhhhh, Disney World.

Where magic happens and dreams come true. Where couples, families, and friends get together to celebrate all the happy things in the world.

I had spent the day wandering around Epcot (alone) enjoying the....ummm...festivites (ie, beers) of the various countries around the world. (I was alone, where I went for my honeymoon, just days after a breakup.....don't judge my drinking! LOL). I carefully avoided the rides in fear of the "SINGLE RIDER" call and being forced to stand with the only other "single riders" in the park. You know the ones. We have all seen them and laughed a little first and then felt bad for it and told ourselves we are bad people and are going to Hell and we pity the rider a little bit then we laugh a little more. I mean really, who wears lime green tights (with a matching bow the size of something Lady Gaga would put in her head), with the Disney shirt they bought that day, a kick ass plastic visor (hehe), 4 yes count them 4 huge Disney princess necklaces, an Eor backpack, and their camera around their neck? Unless you are 4 that is......not 40, 500lbs, and smell like garlic (to keep away all the bad spirits at Disney???). So ya, I did not want to be a "SINGLE RIDER" and be thought of as one of those. Call me vain, go ahead, I'll allow it just this once =)

Then I passed Soarin. Which if you are not familiar is a ride that makes you feel like you are flying (or so I have heard, last time I was there...hmmm, for my honeymoon, grrr....it was not there yet). So, I was dying to ride it. After some pacing and much consideration I sucked it up and went in. It was an 80 minute wait. YAY! 80 minutes of everyone around me going "Who is she with? Do you think she is alone? Who comes alone? How sad. Poor girl. She's adorable (hehe) I wonder why no one is with her?" As soon as I got in line I was next to this older couple who immediatly reminded me of my Grandparents just from watching them. It made me smile. 5 minutes in, a group of Asian girls came barrelling through (pretending not to speak English...bitches) and cut infront of about 40 people. The normal me...feisty and a little pissy at times, would have said something. But....I was in the company of "my grandparents" so I kept to myself. Then the woman spoke her first words to me, "How rude!" Ahhh, and we talked the rest of the 75 minute wait. They were a great couple!

We got up to the front of the line and I was about to prepare to say good-bye because they were splitting people off when my Disney magic happened. The your kid asked the older gentleman how many were in his party and without even thinking he responded "There are 3 of us." 3? Did he say 3? As in, himself, his wife....and, OMG, he included me!!!!!!!!!!! No hesitation at all. "There are 3 of us." I smiled my biggest smile and thanked him so much for including me (holding back my tears because at that moment I felt so magical......cliche, but whatev, its Disney so deal with it!). He just smiled back and said "We enjoy your company, of course you are coming on with us."

Moral here.....sometimes the "Single Rider" just needs someone to reach out and say "There are 3 of us." It just might make their day =)

I love you, but I hope birds peck your eyes out

Break ups are hard. Very hard. Especially when sometimes you are not even sure why you broke up or if you made the right choice. You spend months sharing details of your life and your time with someone and then suddenly its over. Who do you call when you suddenly find yourself in your own personal Hell of eating lunch surrounded by birds and you need saving? You want someone to both comfort you in your moment of trauma and someone to laugh at you because really, it is completly irrational and you want them to make you feel better. Up until only days before this experience, you had this person. Now who do you call? If you are me, you decide that you are almost 30, mature, and can be adult about this so you make the call anyway. It makes you feel worse.

Have you heard of the 3 month rule? A married friend of mine told me about it. He said that when he got to be in his late 20's he instituted the 3 month rule. If after 3 months you do not seriously see marriage potential with the person you are dating then you have to cut them loose. After all, we aren't getting any younger, right? I thought about this a long time and thought it was harsh because what if you just don't know. I mean, I am divorced, I don't know if I want that again, is 3 months enough time to make a call like that, what if I cut someone loose too soon, what if I am having a good time and really like someone, what if they really like me, what if I just don't know, what if, what if, what if.......? How can you end something just because you aren't sure of what the future holds?

Enter my life......my recent breakup. I care more about this person than I think he will ever understand or ever believe. What hurts the most is that I know he will never see this either because he has cut me out in a way that it seems like I almost never existed. Truth is, I don't think anyone really reads this, but it is a way for me to say what I have to say. I questioned the decision to end this relationship more than I can explain, and I probably would never even have done so if things had not been brought up to me. I would have gone on being happy spending time together because the enjoyment of his company made me smile so very much. But in the end, that would not have been fair. As it turns out I felt that he was not getting what he needed from someone he cared about and due to circumstances beyone my control because of timing and situation, I cannot give him what he needs. I saw no other way, and it breaks my heart. It hurts because I know he is hurting and I worry, and it hurts because I didn't want our time to be over. I just didn't want to spend the forseeable future having the same argument about timing and situation when there was nothing we could do to change those things. He might have been willing to settle for what he could have now....actually, I am pretty sure that he was. I wanted to say, lets work it out then, lets just struggle through this and see if it gets better, but I could not find it within myself to do that to him. Who wants to be with someone knowing that in their heart they want more and need more. I care deeply about this person, but at the end of the day I am not enough. What I have to give at this point in time is not enough. I wish with all my heart that it was.....I want my goodnight call, I want to be enough. Frankly, I'm tired of not being enough, but timing is a lot in relationships and I think, for both of us, the timing is not right on this one.

So, while I wish the best and continue to worry and pray that God will watch where my eyes can no longer see I can only hope that under his pain he hopes the best for me too. There were very hurtful messages sent while I was trying to be mature and sincere and I understand that pain makes us do and say things we would normally never do, so I will not hold grudges (its not my style) and I hope that if this message ever finds its way to him he knows that I am a friend and always here to help. And really, I do care more than I am sure he knows.........