The Year of Me

2011

I'm going to trying really hard to take it day by day and at the end of the year realize I kicked its ass.

As said by Sara Bareilles "All my life I've tried to make everybody happy while I just hurt and hide waiting for someone to tell me its my turn to decide"---well I'm not waiting for anyone to tell me. It's my turn. It's my life. It's my happiness at stake.

Last year I took the time to focus financially on getting myself settled. I need to continue to focus on that path (I mean we all know I heart shopping), but this year I am going to focus more personally. Focus on me. I have made resolutions in the past to be a better friend, be a better listener, share more of myself, lose weight.....this year my resolution is simply this: Do what is good for me. I hate making choices based on my wants, I have never been able to do it, so this will be the hardest thing I have ever tried to do, but I am determined to be in a better place in 12 months and it starts with making ME my own top priority.

Wish me luck =)

6 or 2

Depending on how you look at it.

Either way, when will tomorrow start to mean a little less to me? When will it pass by without me taking note of the significance of the day? When will I get to December 12th and go, "Oh, I didn't even realize that yesterday was 12/11!"?

This is how I felt at this time last year. =/

Another year has gone by and the day still stings.

I know what I said, but....

So, a few months ago I posted this

On My Last Birthday I Turned 25, This Year I'm Turning 30
It basically says I am turning 30 and I'm ok with it.

Well folks, its less than a month away now, and let me tell you......I'm scared. I know its pathetic, but honestly, all I can think about is that after the family dinner (and maybe a drink--or 15--with friends I am going to go home to an empty house, crawl into an empty bed, and lay there. All alone. Do I have someone who at this point might be there....that is a very flimsy maybe to say the most, but even if that pulls through....I'm alone. Over the course of a month, 93% of my nights are spent in my bed, by myself, wishing someone was there next to me/wrapped up in me. They are now mostly spent with Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson playing over and over in my head thanks to the CMA's (I don't wanna just make love I wanna make love last, dont you wanna stay here a little while, don't you wanna hold eachother tight, don't you wanna fall asleep with me tonight). Stupid country music. I can't stop from turning 30, that part I know. I just keep praying that it doesn't hit me as hard as I am afraid it's going to.

Closure

Sometimes you just need it.

Will there be more to this ghost story, I'm not sure, but I got the closure I think I needed incase there is no continuation.....no second chapter.....no happy ending. It will always be the story that I wish had an alternate ending, that I will forever replay in my head a different way when I think of it, but this time I at least got to drive away knowing what the future might bring (even if its nothing).

Ah, I knew kissing was special

Kissing is good for what ails you. Research shows that the act of smooching improves our skin, helps circulation, prevents tooth decay, and can even relieve headaches (my fav!). It also releases the same neurotransmitters in our brains as parachuting, bungee jumping, and running. Also, men who kiss their partners before leaving for work average higher incomes than those who don’t.

I'm an affectionate person, so I totally love this.

Amazing

Probably the most amazing song I have heard in a long time. Great vocals, great lyrics, amazing message.

Thanks

Thanks for pulling me aside to tell me I am a commitment-phobe. I appreciate the sentiment. I'm glad you think I choose to date all the wrong people just because I don't choose to be with the one's you think are life partners. Maybe I see something different in who I spend my time with. Maybe I see more than what you are willing to open your eyes to. Maybe it hurts when you tell me that I am wasting my time with people who don't want to be with me and letting those who do want me slip away. Maybe just maybe one of these "wastes of time" does want to be with me. Maybe you will be surprised. Maybe you shouldn't tell me to run. Maybe you should keep your thoughts to yourself. Maybe you should just be there when I need support. Maybe your should stay out. Maybe you should just let me fall on my face and let me learn the hard way. Maybe you should just let me live. Maybe I want to chase him. Maybe you have no idea what it feels like. Maybe you should back off.